Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News...

What I first thought was a rousing case of PMS I have since determined is a bad case of COMMON SENSE! Why are people determined to get on my nerves today?! Be warned, idiots.

To each his (or her) own...

So, I came across a photo gallery on Entertainment Weekly's website this morning showing elaborate tattoos folks have gotten of celebrities' faces. Now, I don't have any tats myself, but if/when I get one, it will not be of Alf or Zack Morris (no matter how hunky Mark-Paul Gosselaar remains). My favorite? Chewbacca... on a leg that looks hairy enough to pass for a scalp. Sweet Jesus.

Watching TV *doesn't* keep you fit?!

I joined a gym yesterday -- it's tiny and there were about six people there the entire time I was there signing up and then working out (the trainer guy acted surprised that I was still there). I'm "training" (very loose interpretation of that term) for the Triangle Walk for the Cure on June 14th. A month is enough, right? I just want to make sure I'm not the last person huffing and puffing across the finish line.

After hitting the treadmill (where I watched Reno 911 on closed captioning, which caused me to walk like I was drunk because of my balance issues), I did some crunches on one of those giant balls. I ended up with a cramp in my lower abs that lasted for a good 10 minutes or so. How do you massage that out?? Yet another reason why fat girls don't exercise.

And the winner is...

I'm pleased with American Idol's special guests this year. I don't think I'll be seeing The Love Guru, but Little David's confussion about the bit was priceless.

Welcome back, Michael Johns. I've missed you. Lots.

I've watched the new Guitar Hero commercial a half a dozen times now. Brother's got nice legs. (Let me clarify -- the Cook version. A little disappointed that Archie made one, too, but the boxers were a cute touch. Thanks, Cook for not going that route.)

What's up with the guyliner AGAIN tonight? Is Cover Girl sponsoring this?

Jordan looks like she's dressed for a sixth-grade dance. In 1987.

The Pip business is a bit over the top, but yay for Robert Downey, Jr. You go, Iron Man!

Everyone looks nice in their suits. And the ladies look nice, too. Although Carly should not wear black tights with anything other than a black dress.

Omigod, I just noticed Randy's ascot. Where did that come from, dawg? Thank you, Simon, for apologizing to my boy Cook. You were a little rude last night. (I'm thinking that Simon might have known the outcome and wanted to wipe a little of the egg off his face.)

Congrats, Cook!! WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?! Talk about a dark horse!! AWW YEAH!! The man tears are my Kryptonite!! LOVE HIM!! Loved him since the auditions and really fell for him when he professed he was a Word Nerd. Bursting with pride!!

The folks over at davidcooktheamericanidol.com are experiencing a little trouble; they had it right all along.

Foregone Conclusion

Shouldn't the producers have just gone ahead and dropped the confetti and such on Little David tonight? I'm biased, but I don't see how Archuletta did any better than Cook. I think Simon has/had his panties in a bunch (but thanks for saying how nice and sincere Cook's been throughout the competition). Each time I see Archie (I try to add interest to him with multiple nicknames), I think he's going to pass out. That kid's not going to know what to do with himself if he does win.

GO COOK!! The tears? Got me. I heart Word Nerds. (I'll buy his album whether he wins or not, although I'd rather his first single not be that dreck that he was forced to sing tonight. Can anyone really get behind "You Believe This Is My Moment to Dream Inside Heaven?")

Meanwhile, Seacrest has on some MAJOR guyliner. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

And who on earth at Disney greenlighted that chihuahua movie? Who thought THAT would be a good idea -- did someone have a Taco Bell hangover?

Really? Again?

So, I dug out John Mayer's "Room for Squares" CD this past weekend to listen to one song (Love Song for No One) that is really speaking to me these days. As is part of my nature, I had to listen to the entire CD and found myself feeling the same emotions I felt when I got the CD SEVEN YEARS AGO! Does this feeling that I'm trying to figure things out ever going to go away?! Wallowing...

Season Finale Time

Primetime, we just got you back, and you’re already saying goodbye for the summer? Why?? I missed my most anticipated season finale (“The Office”) last night because of a concert (The Swell Season, from the two folks in “Once;” they were incredible and just as charming as their Oscar acceptance speeches). By the time I got home and fired up my DVR, it was 11:40, but I persevered (I am nothing if not self-sacrificing).

Ah, “The Office,” how do I love thee? Last night’s episode left me equal parts giddy (Kevin being special needs, Angela and Dwight caught in a compromising position) and a little depressed (Andy stealing Jim’s thunder, Michael getting excited about Jan’s baby). I’m glad that Jim had a little time to prank Dwight – I miss those days. Apparently Dwight is just as cavalier about his cell phone as Andy; shouldn’t he know by now not to leave things lying around lest Jim get a hold of them? The redirected calls were classic, in particular Jim’s conversation with Dwight’s mutter. Side note: Cell phone earpieces drive me bonkers, hate 'em.

Pam is finally stepping out of her comfort zone and going to design school, although I’m not sure what kind of program she’ll be in that takes only three months. Can I sign up for that? Jim’s support is a breath of fresh air – it’s nice to have a couple that isn’t fraught with drama every time they turn around. Am I the only one who thought that Jim had put Pam’s engagement ring in the vending machine? Something tells me that the three months she’s in NY will be the same three months that Jim will be filling in for Ryan, who was ceremoniously ousted last night for fraud after having sales reps enter personal sales in via the Dunder Mifflin website (loved the YouTube video of the police escorting him out of the office). Oscar was right on when he said the biggest crime was Ryan's beard. Jim’s messages about fighting his attempted ousting and then the snide remark that Ryan’s hands must be tied at the moment had me swelling with pride – it’s nice to see him motivated.

Oh Ryan, how far you’ve come – once a meek temp, now a great big, giant douche (GBGD) who tried to get my man Jim fired. The universe has rules, son, and you are just getting a taste of its justice. More will follow when Kelly visits prison in her best track suit (squealed with laughter at that one) and all of the other prisoners give him hell for her being so hot. Oh Kelly, to live a day in your mind…

Question: How funny was it when Phyllis knocked Angela’s books to the ground after finding out the latter shredded her vendor lists? Answer: Hi-larious! Same answer can apply to Meredith, Dwight and Mose putting the racoon in Holly's car. How was that the first thing they decided on to haze her?!

But the real action was taking place in the HR department. Boring Toby, who proved a perfect (if bland) nemesis for Michael, really IS going to Costa Rica. Wonder what’s going on down there (maybe I missed that during the inappropriate touching episode)? Anyway, his replacement, Holly, connected with Michael on a weird level involving Yoda talk and a disassembled ergonomic chair. Their flirting was fun, especially because this was one of the first times a woman has actually fallen for Michael right away, too. God bless Jim for talking Michael out of declaring his love for her immediately. A little restraint, please Michael!

These discussions with Michael helped Jim decide exactly how he was going to propose to Pam – as part of Toby’s going away party. He funded fireworks for the evening, to Phyllis’s surprise, and decided to add to his list of Pam-fueled office memories with a quiet nighttime proposal. But of course that wasn’t to happen (and I have to say, I’m a little happy about that because I’d rather they have a private moment off camera). Stupid, overeager Andrew Bernard made a mess of things just as Jim was fishing the ring out of his pocket. Barreling to the stage to take control of the mic (and in the process bring Darryl’s keyboard crashing to the ground), Andy proposed to Angela (response: “okay”) with a ring he’s been carrying in his wallet for SIX YEARS. I find myself wondering why on earth Andy’s parents were at Toby’s party; I guess that’s just another indication of what an odd bird he is. But like magnets, Angela and Dwight couldn’t stay away from one another… I am desperately hoping for a reconciliation over the summer!

My heart broke a little for Michael when Jan explained that the bun in the oven isn’t his. That poor man wants kids just about as much as he needs air. What a cruel twist – denying him a chance to be a father while they were together (“you made me wear two condoms”) only to seek out a sperm donor. Jan is a piece of work! And to further twist the knife by asking him to join her at Lamaze? Inexcusable. I can’t bear to write anymore about this development, especially after Michael’s closing remark that he is going to sorta be a daddy. *sigh* Kudos to the writers for humanizing such an unlikeable character.

So, where will the next few months take our beloved Mifflinites? September is so far away!